The End and The Beginning: A Guest Post

Several months before my ex-husband Rodger moved out he said, “Emily, if there’s one thing I know, it’s that there’s no such thing as closure.”

“Like hell there isn’t!” I shouted.

He tried his damnedest to keep me miserable and entwined in the Johnson Family Hate Fest for as long as he could—despite the fact we were already legally divorced. In fact, he lied so much trying to get his way that I wonder now if he didn’t concoct that whole sob story about losing his job just so I’d stay a little longer.

“A little longer” turned into the longest six months of my life. I hired a lawyer to force him out eventually, because I was unable to bear him. He needed an extra shove, job or no job. Getting his name off the mortgage for the condo and the title for the car was a waiting game. It was also tedious as hell getting all the right forms together and scraping up money I didn’t really have. I blew my entire savings on assumption fees and attorney fees. All with no help and no cooperation whatsoever from the resident cheater and compulsive liar who told me that he knew he wanted to divorce me after just eighteen months of marriage.

Look, I know divorce isn’t pretty. And a girl needs to suffer some consequences so she learns not to marry another asshat, compulsive liar ever again. But Rodger’s nonsense proved to be an excessive financial burden when it came to my attorney. He wrote me several e-mails, CC:ing her on every one. Every time he wrote another email, she read it. Then she wrote me an email, and … cha-ching! It all added up.

Today, one year and five days after I filed for divorce, I got the final bill for my attorney. It’s for the month of June 2009. Really, it’s not even for the whole month. Just June 1 through June 12. It’s more than $900. Almost half of the bill is a direct result of Rodger’s deceitful and uncooperative behavior. For instance, he pretended to be in Thailand so that he couldn’t sign the papers until the Monday after the lender’s deadline:

Hi [Emily’s Attorney],

Hear told your legal assistant called about signing paperwork for your client, Emily Suess. I will return from business next weekend. So, let's schedule a Monday afternoon appointment to finish signing the assumption papers for the mortgage and title for the car.

Of course, we will need to make copies of all paperwork for my records.

--
Best,
Rodger D. Johnson

At this point, my lawyer advises him he can’t wait that long. If he doesn’t sign, he’s pretty much stuck with the financial burden of the condo. He writes:

Hi [Emily’s Attorney],

Thanks for the update. I will confirm this information and will make plans accordingly.

RDJ

My attorney then asks Rodger to clarify when he is available. He needs to make an appointment so a notary can witness his signature. He responds:

[Emily’s Attorney],

Thanks for your time. I will be available Friday. What time will you be free? Could you please have Ms. Suess drop off copies of the divorce decree too. I will need that, including copies of the document I will sign Friday for my records.

Best,
Rodger

At this time, I tell my attorney I’m not paying for his copies, and she says that’s fine. Copies will be available to him, but he’ll have to pay up front. She advises Rodger of this and tells him that the cost for copies is 20 cents per page. He writes back:

Thanks. I will be there at 9 a.m. Could you please have Emily or a loan representative present to answer any questions I may have.

20 cents per copy is outragous. I will pay 5 cents.

Then Rodger writes to me. Still copying the lawyer. Still increasing the charges.

Hi, Emily ...

I know that our communication is typically one-way these days. So I want to confirm that you received the message I sent to [Emily’s Attorney]. You were CC(ed) in that. Secondly, I need a complete record of our divorce. You have the divorce decree from the court, and I need a copy of that. You should also include any other transactional copies of documents that relate to our divorce.

If you would rather MAIL me copies of said paperwork to avoid further legal fees, you are more than welcome to do that as well. I will provide you with an address when I receive confirmation from you.

Copies of these document MUST be handed to me BEFORE I sign any paperwork for the assumption and title of the Malibu.

--
Best,
Rodger

Fed up and frustrated beyond words, I ask my lawyer to explain it all to him one last time. She writes him:

Mr. Johnson:
The decree from the Court and all related documents filed with the Court are equally accessible to both you and Emily from the Court. It is not her responsibility to provide you with these copies. As a courtesy, our office earlier provided you with a complete set of the dissolution related documents you signed at that time. The assumption is for your benefit from a credit perspective, so I encourage you to not place conditions on the execution of these documents, as that could cause the existing mortgage to remain in effect indefinitely.

I’m meeting with you on Friday solely to see you sign the assumption documentation so I can notarize your signatures. If you want to come by in advance and secure a copy of this paperwork to look over/review before you get here, you are welcome to do so at your expense per my other e-mail and to contact independent legal counsel with any questions you have. No one is going to be here on Friday to answer questions. It’s up to you whether you execute these documents. Our copy charge has been in effect for several years and will not be changed for this transaction. I encourage you to cooperate concerning this assumption so this can be effectuated.

So what’s my point exactly?

Here’s my point. What if, in those two days, Rodger had simply said “OK. I’ll be there on Friday.” In that case, my bill for the month of June would have been approximately $412 lighter. I had asked him many times not to copy her with his meaningless drivel. It only drove up costs for me. But he’s an asshole; he did it anyway.

I saved all the bills from the attorney. In them she itemizes whose e-mail she read, how much time she spent reading, whose e-mail she replied to, and how long she spent drafting the response. He cost me thousands of dollars more by being an utter nuisance.

Am I bitter? No.

Sure, it’s unjust. But I’m finally rid of him. There is not one scrap of legal crap anywhere tying me to that douche. I’m free. I’m starting over. I got my closure just like I told him I would. I can’t even remember what he looks like.

And the best part is there’s room in my life for this great guy I met who makes me laugh and treats me like a human and cooks me scrumptious dinners and, and, and…

His name is Dan. Maybe you’ve heard of him.

---

Emily used to write the blog Two Write Hands. She shut that blog down because her ex-husband was always reading her stuff, and she felt he needed closure. So Dan lets her write here from time to time when she needs to get something out in the open. Consequently, her ex-husband now stalks Dan's blog. Oh well.

Celebrity Sunday!

Behold!
There are two things in this world you don't fuck around with. The first is turtles.

The second, of course, is Chevy Chase when he's wearing a suit and tie.

-DP

Yowza!

This piece, in which Wendell Potter, Cigna's former head of Corporate Communications, spills the proverbial beans on the shady practices of American health care, is making its way around the internets. Hopefully, it can open an eye or two. It's certainly worth checking out.

WENDELL POTTER: Well, I was beginning to question what I was doing as the industry shifted from selling primarily managed care plans, to what they refer to as consumer-driven plans. And they're really plans that have very high deductibles, meaning that they're shifting a lot of the cost off health care from employers and insurers, insurance companies, to individuals. And a lot of people can't even afford to make their co-payments when they go get care, as a result of this. But it really took a trip back home to Tennessee for me to see exactly what is happening to so many Americans. I--

BILL MOYERS: When was this?

WENDELL POTTER: This was in July of 2007.

BILL MOYERS: You were still working for Cigna?

WENDELL POTTER: I was. I went home, to visit relatives. And I picked up the local newspaper and I saw that a health care expedition was being held a few miles up the road, in Wise, Virginia. And I was intrigued.

BILL MOYERS: So you drove there?

WENDELL POTTER: I did. I borrowed my dad's car and drove up 50 miles up the road to Wise, Virginia. It was being held at a Wise County Fairground. I took my camera. I took some pictures. It was a very cloudy, misty day, it was raining that day, and I walked through the fairground gates. And I didn't know what to expect. I just assumed that it would be, you know, like a health-- booths set up and people just getting their blood pressure checked and things like that.

But what I saw were doctors who were set up to provide care in animal stalls. Or they'd erected tents, to care for people. I mean, there was no privacy. In some cases-- and I've got some pictures of people being treated on gurneys, on rain-soaked pavement.

And I saw people lined up, standing in line or sitting in these long, long lines, waiting to get care. People drove from South Carolina and Georgia and Kentucky, Tennessee-- all over the region, because they knew that this was being done. A lot of them heard about it from word of mouth. There could have been people and probably were people that I had grown up with. They could have been people who grew up at the house down the road, in the house down the road from me. And that made it real to me.

BILL MOYERS: What did you think?

WENDELL POTTER: It was absolutely stunning. It was like being hit by lightning. It was almost-- what country am I in? I just it just didn't seem to be a possibility that I was in the United States. It was like a lightning bolt had hit me.

Something seriously needs to be done to this nation's health care industry. It would be funny if all Americans just stopped paying their premiums and dropped their coverage for a year or two just to watch these greedy, inhuman bastards starve. Insurance is a horrible and odious scam. I know people who have paid their premiums their entire lives only to be dropped when they get sick. Do they get their money back? Not at all.

I don't understand how that is not simple theft. I don't get how this isn't criminal. And, as someone who exists in the realm of uninsured Americans because of a rather expensive pre-existing condition, the fact that I suffer daily so these sons of bitches can have their gold-rimmed place settings infuriates me.

-DP

Neo-Conservative Love.

    I don't really know if there's a website out there more disgusting and intolerant than that of the Conservative site The Free Republic.  Take a look at some of the things said about Malia  Obama:

"A typical street whore." "A bunch of ghetto thugs." "Ghetto street trash." "Wonder when she will get her first abortion."

These are a small selection of some of the racially-charged comments posted to the conservative 'Free Republic' blog Thursday, aimed at U.S. President Barack Obama's 11-year-old daughter Malia after she was photographed wearing a t-shirt with a peace sign on the front.
(Full Story)

    Now, these are the sorts of Conservatives who like to tout their Christian "morality" and look down their noses at progressives.  Personally, I think it's beyond embarrassing that I have to share a country with such bigoted scum.

    It would be naive to assume that with the election of America's first African-American president, racism in this nation would fizzle into the dark dust of history where it belongs.  People will always have hate, and the uneducated out there who always seem to lean to the right of this nation's political spectrum will always find something upon which to focus that hatred.  After all, ignorance can lead to no end of frustration and anger, and though these window-lickers are most likely just pissed off that they haven't the brain cells to keep up with this country's progress, the easy outlet for this scum is simple, misguided hate toward a group of Americans which they have no interest in learning anything about or trying to understand. 

    On the plus side, I think it's time for Americans to grab the widest brush they can find and simply paint all Conservatives as intolerant, racist pieces of trash.  It's become a party of irrational hate and fear, and its members are people whose election into our country's legislative process would not lead to peace or safety or anything other than strife and division. 

    Nonetheless, it's still embarrassing to be an American. 

-DP    

I Once Drew a Bunny in the Dirt!

This is Kseniya Semonova from Ukraine's Got Talent doing a little something with sand...

I think it's wildly hypnotic, and I agree with the folks at WFMU; this is heartbreaking. But, it's also very beautiful and fascinating to see such precision.

Hope you enjoy!

-DP

The Mind Boggles...

    Now, I really do not want to get into the habit of deciphering the gibberish that tumbles from Sarah Palin's vapid head, but when I saw this quote of hers, I wanted to hop on the next flight to Wasilla to find her and tell her to just shut the fuck up:

"I think on a national level your department of law there in the White House would look at some of the things that we've been charged with and automatically throw them out," she said.

    Think about that for a minute.

    Yes.  Alaska has a Department of Law, but Washington doesn't.  And, I don't believe the one in Alaska is capable of dismissing these complaints without some serious meddling fromthe Governor's Office.

    This is a woman who was the vice presidential candidate in the last election, and many believe Sarah Palin is qualified to run for president in 2012.  However, the above quote should show you that she hasn't a single freakin' clue about how anything in Washington, or reality, even works.  Indeed, this is a woman whom I've seriously begin to doubt can even tie her own shoes without collapsing into a gibbering puddle of stupid.

    Department of Law? 

    No.  She can't be talking about the Justice Department since their job is not to protect the White House, and they don't have the power to throw out any ethics' complaints in the first place. 

    She can't be talking about the White House Counsel since, well...  Gyaaagh.  It burns!

    Is she talking about D.C. Metro Police?

    The sad thing is that people would actually vote for this moron.  And, even worse, children here and there will be taught by their round-headed parents to see Sarah Palin as something of a role model.  This is a woman who, at just about every opportunity, has shown that substance doesn't matter.  Coherence doesn't matter.  Education doesn't matter.  Truth, facts and reality don't matter.  However, what matters is that, if you look good, wink a lot, sound folksy and slap a "mavericky" label on everything you do, you might just become the leader of the free world.

    Terrifying.

-DP

What the....?

I just have to scratch my head over this.

Ban on tobacco urged in military
By Gregg Zoroya, USA TODAY
WASHINGTON — Pentagon health experts are urging Defense Secretary Robert Gates to ban the use of tobacco by troops and end its sale on military property, a change that could dramatically alter a culture intertwined with smoking.
(Full Story)

Sometimes, the ideas of this puritanical America go way too far. I already have a problem with 18-year-old soldiers being able to go and die in war without being able to sit down and legally have a beer in any bar in this country. Now, some twits are worried that smoking is bad for soldiers.

Of course smoking's bad. However, getting shot at, being blown up, or maybe even getting gassed are all a hell of a lot more dangerous than a simple freakin' Marlboro. And, to make matters worse, the last thing I want is some gun-toting soldier even more stressed out and making poor decisions because he's jonesin' for a smoke.

-DP

Picking a Winner!

    Indy's a fantastic town.




    There are so many things to photograph.  I've only manage to skirt the race track, however, and I'm sure before too long, I will be stuffing enough shots into my 2gig memory cards to make their plastic little seams pop.

    I don't know if it's the excitement of being in a new town where every road is one I've not traveled, and beyond every turn is something I've not seen before or what, but for a dope with a camera, there's an endless supply of subjects.

    Nonetheless, I took this shot while Emily and I were driving around looking for dinner, and I loved it.  The eyes are looking at the old man, the old man's looking at a freshly excavated nose goblin, and on the bench are the words SEE... YOU LOOKED!  It all fits so nicely, don't you think?

    Other than that, it's Friday!  I hope everyone has some insane weekend plans.  And, if you don't, get off your asses and get some.

-DP       

Hup Holland!

Bastards!

The prickish dinks of Fox News have gone after my much beloved Dutch with this hit piece that seeks to thrash the whole freakin' nation by burying it beneath a steaming pile of fallacy and innuendo --albeit funny innuendo.

I love the thing about the suicide pill. It seems to frighten those at Fox that people are talking about it. Of course, I've got bottles and bottles of pills here that would probably do the job should I decide to end it all. And, if that doesn't work, there's always bleach, Liquid Plumber, Windex or my morning coffee to get the job done. So, someone should tell the folks at Fox that if someone is hell bent on offing themselves, they'll find a way. It's the ingenuity of human nature. We're just a resourceful species.

This whole two-minute clip smacks of something out of Orwell's 1984 as Fox seeks to fill its viewers heads with a mountain of lies in order to foster a collective hatred toward all things European.

-DP

Thanks, PZ.

It's Coming Right For Us!

    What the hell is going on in the Cleveland area lately?

    First, it was the nuttier than a box of squirrel turds news report I talked about here, and now, out of Euclid, OH, comes this story:

EUCLID -- Resident Dorothy Richardson, 76, said she was defending herself when she beat to death a 25-pound fawn that was crouched in her flower bed, then stuffed the fawn's body in a cardboard box and put it out on trash day.

    Really...  I don't know which is more amazing:  The fact that this old woman felt terrified enough to sneak up on and bludgeon this fawn to death, or the fact that this fawn --a normally skittish creature-- let this shovel-wielding old loon even approach in the first place. 

    My guess is that Dorothy here is actually a blood-thirsty, ninja grandmother.

-DP
    

I like this...

Sometimes, stop motion animation can be pretty freakin' awesome.

There's a whole heap of videos from these PES folks over on YouTube worth checking out. So, if you'd like to kill some time, give 'em a gander.

-DP

Here I am!

I'm going to be back on this blog in a day or two. Things have been somewhat busy and crazy and fun and... well... nice! However, I'm thinking this little bloggy vacation needs to end, and I've decided to end it either on Wednesday or Thursday (we'll see. The weather's been nice, so...).


Nonetheless, a lot of things have happened since I've been away. Please feel free to use the comment section to share your thoughts on whatever is on your mind. You can talk about the outbreak of expiring celebrities, the bat-shit insane antics of Sarah Palin, what you did on the Fourth, or whatever trips your brain switches.

Right now, I'm off to crash, but I had the urge to let you all know that I'm still alive and barking, and I've not been abducted by little gray gnomish aliens from the galactic equivalent of Detroit.

So, what's new, people?

-DP

Thankfully, they found a squirrel to interview.

I found this via the oddly bearable Erin O'Brien (who, I'm pretty sure does things in the woods that would make a bear call 911), and it just freakin' killed me.

It's hard to say what the best part is, really... You may even need to watch it twice. However, it is nice to see that the local Fox affiliate in Milwaukee isn't the only one out there with scat for brains and pretty much zero information to pass along.

This is why we need zoos, I think. Not so much for a place in which to put the bear, but to educate these friggin' ninnies who crap their trousers every time they see an animal larger than their Labradoodle bumbling around their yard.

-DP